Advertisements Want You To...

What if you did everything advertised to you in a 1 hour network television show? Well, I found out. Every Monday, give or take a few, I watch two CBS sitcoms with my mom - The Neighborhood and Bob Hearts Abishola. This Monday, I also payed attention to the commercials. 

A lot of commercials do not explicitly tell you to do something, but I kept track of the ones that did with interesting results. I broke the instructions into categories and gave some comments on what it would be like to actually follow all of the advertisement commands. 

Vague Instructions:

Discover More (Subaru) - "Can I do that without a Subaru?"

Get Ready For Our New Battery (Energizer Max) - "I am sooooo ready!!!"

Make Every Moment More (FanDuel) - "I am not 21 years of age."

Don't Worry (Reese's) - "Peanut butter cups are the least of my worries."

Be More Like Your Cat (Outstretch) - "Ummm, what?!"

Enjoy the Go with Charmin (Charmin) - "Ummm, what?!"

Personal Instructions:

Smile (Crest) - ✓

Say Thank You to the Sunshine and the Blue Skies (Dignity Health) - ✓

Choose Your Words Carefully (GAP) - "Well, I try my best..."

Call Your Doctor:

Medicine and treatment commercials ask a lot of us. Not only would I be fed up if I actually did everything the commercials told me, but my doctor would be too. Here's just a sampling of what I would have to do:

    Tell my doctor if I have new or worsening chest pain, cough, muscle aches, etc.

    Get tested for tuberculosis 

    Ask my doctor if Ibrance, Cologaurd, or Cosentyx are right for me

My doctor would be so confused...

The Most Time-Consuming Demand:

Watch every episode of The Neighborhood - approximately 1,400 minutes (around 23 hours)

Get Out Your Wallet:

Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar - $0.88

Try Swiffer WetJet - $25.97

Come in for a soccer ball (Target) - $7.99

Check out Febreze Air Freshener - $4.99

Watch TBS - $35 (subscription for a month)

Get a dozen double-crunch shrimp with any steak (Applebee's) - $14.99 (includes steak)

Download Slotomania - $0.00

Try any of our new dips with our not new bread twists (Domino's) - $7.99

Shop now (Home Goods) - $4.99 (Cheapest item: Dog toy)

Shop our app (Fry's) - $0.15 (Cheapest item: Single jalapeno pepper)

Shop at Olay.com - $2.99 (Cheapest item: Moisturizing hand mask) 

Grand Total for the Hour: $105.94

So, in conclusion, it would have been a money wasting, time consuming, and strange time if I had done all that the commercials wished. I also wonder if companies really want you to "discover more" or to "smile" or if all they really want is for you to use their product to complete those actions. It's curious how ads work sometimes.

 I wish you all the best in making every moment more, remember to say thank you to the sunshine and the blue skies, and try not to be swayed too much by the advertisements you see. 

Simplicity - A Fable

Once upon a time there was a crocodile and a fox. The fox used his crafty speech to catch his mutton and was praised by all the animals for his wily ways. While the crocodile often caught more to eat, he was frequently overlooked. 

“Fox, why do all the animals praise you when you starve more than you eat?” the crocodile asked the fox. “I eat every day and am ignored.”

“I am an entertainer—a master trickster,” the fox responded. “I convince sheep to come to me with sweet talk and eloquent language. You just sit there with your mouth agape waiting for your meals to come to you. Although it works, it bores the onlookers.”

The crocodile was left feeling despondent but determined to hunt the way the fox does. The crocodile went to the owl who taught him grandiose language and eloquence. Then, he went to the other animals and spoke to them.

“I am a changed beast,” the crocodile said. “From now on, I will hunt as the fox does with crafty speech and superb magniloquence.”

The other animals were excited to see the crocodile in action as the fox had not caught a meal for a long while. The crocodile approached a grazing calf and all the animals watched in suspense. The fox chuckled in anticipation of the failure.

“Greetings and salutations. If it at all obliges you, I would be most chuffed if you would peregrinate thither. I promise, I mean you no anguish nor damage,” the crocodile reasoned.

The young calf did not understand the crocodile’s vocabulary, but only saw the fierce form of a predator. So, the calf immediately turned and ran. The fox, already prepared for the calf’s sudden departure, pounced on the poor animal and killed it. The crowd of animals booed his lack of craftiness.

The fox simply responded, “At least I have something to eat,” and walked away.

Sometimes, it is better to achieve simply than fail with eloquence.

Progymnasmata, of which the fable is one, are writing exercises for speech writers and are often read aloud to practice delivering speeches. This year at school, I am taking rhetoric, so in addition to learning the history of speeches, we are practicing our own as we go through these exercises. The second progymnasmata is a narrative. You can check out my narrative here on my YouTube channel!  

Bless You!

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines "bless you" as an idiomatic phrase "said to someone who has just sneezed." I say, "Move over, Mr. Webster. That makes no sense."

We all sneeze. Most of us say "bless you" to the person who sneezes... even me. However, in recent consideration, it's kind of strange. Giving blessings to someone has sacred origins and now, any time someone spits and sprays snot into the air, we give them our sincerest blessings?! Now, I am all for doing what our culture considers polite; just read my blog about the importance of saying you're welcome. I do think it is equally important, though, to know why we are saying what we consider polite. 

The phrase "bless you" as a response to sneezing originated all the way back in the dark ages, when the plague ran rampant through Europe. As sneezing was a symptom of the plague, Pope Gregory I held the belief that blessing someone after they sneezed would protect them from further contracting the disease. Other accounts date the origins of the idiom back even further to ancient superstition. Whether it be one's own soul or an evil spirit exiting the body, pronouncing blessing was a way to protect the one who sneezed and everyone around him. No matter which origin story you think is more correct, I don't know anyone who says "bless you" with that much religious conviction.

If you look at other languages, some of their idiomatic phrases to the sneezing make a whole lot more sense. Here are a few ways other people respond to a sneeze along with their literal translations:

Gesundheit (Germany): "Health"

Salud (Chile): "Health"

Sănătate (Romania): "Good Health"

Viva (Portugal): "Live!"

Naz Drowie (Poland): "For health"

Afya (East Africa): "Health"

Obviously, there are some weirder idioms out there, similar to the ancient superstitions or based in cultural superstitions. "Health" makes sense, though. It seems like a casual "I hope you get better" if you are hoping they don't catch a cold or a "Stop sneezing on me when you might be sick" if you are addressing a person you don't know.  

All in all, its interesting to know the origins of such a common phrase and maybe to make fun of it a little bit, but such a common idiom is not likely to go away. If I said "Health!" to anyone that sneezed, I'd get a lot of funny looks and maybe a slap in the face if I kept doing it. Consider changing the normal up sometimes, though. Throw a "gesundheit" or a "salud" into the mix when someone is sneezing over and over again. It is important to be polite and give your well wishes to the nose-tickled, but still sometimes I will think about the strange ways superstition and religion still play a role in our everyday expressions. 

This week, I also published a performance video of True Colors over on my YouTube channel! It's great to be on Fall Break!