Small Jumbo Popcorn Chicken

I've explored one inconsistency of the English language before (see "What?") and there are many others (you can object to an object, a farmer can produce produce, a dump can refuse refuse, etc). But, if we were to ignore the fact that words mean many different things, there are still accepted ironies that make the English language so confusing. 

Just the other day, I was watching a YouTube ad for Sonic Drive-In, and they were advertising a deal that included "small jumbo popcorn chicken." Say what?? 

So, I scoured the internet and racked my brain to come up with a small but interesting collection of English ironies and oxymorons that we totally take for granted. Good grief! Take your time to read.

We've all most likely heard the example of jumbo shrimp, but why is it that eggplant has no egg, hamburger has no ham, and pineapple is not pine, nor apple?

But, it's not just in the culinary world where nothing makes sense. Math majors talk of a constant variable, even odds, and random order, education majors become student teachers, and music majors make live recordings in front of a small crowd. 

Have you ever been to the museum to see the permanent loans, the authentic models, and the lost discoveries? 

You are a walking oxymoron if you're wearing baggy tights and plastic glasses. But, if that's your only choice, just act natural. Don't be passive aggressive. 

What's an original copy? Is bad luck good? And where am I if I'm in a virtual reality? 

Quicksand is slow and boxing rings are squares. Our noses run and our feet smell. 

Maybe you've heard all these before and this blog is old news, but (this is just my unbiased opinion) I think this was seriously funny and an awfully good post. 

"June in January" and "The Intrepid Fox"

Jazz titles are strange and varied. When "Is You Is, or Is You Ain't (Ma Baby)?" is a generally recognizable tune, you know you're in deep. I mean, you could write two letters from a man to his wife using song titles from The Real Book and not have to use that many other words. Speaking of, let's try it!

Letter One

"Ruby, My Dear,"

I think I've gone crazy. "What Was" once a suspicion is now "Confirmation." I was walking down "Broadway" "In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning" and then "Out of Nowhere," "Standing On the Corner" I see "Captain Marvel" ("Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"). It scared the "Heebie Jeebies" out of me, so I "Take the 'A' Train" up to the "Upper Manhattan Medical Group" to get me checked out. "For All We Know," it could be serious "For Heaven's Sake." But "They Didn't Believe Me!" I'm thinking, "What Am I Here For" then? "Beautiful Love," "I Could Write a Book" about "How Insensitive" they were. Except two: "A Man and A Woman." Here's a picture. The "Man in the Green Shirt" is "Miss Ann"'s husband. And "Have You Met Miss Jones?" "Wait Till You See Her." She's like the "Reincarnation of a Lovebird." 

Following my visit to the "Upper Manhattan Medical Group," I went home to enjoy some "Solitude." I had some "Black Coffee" and a "Swedish Pastry" in the "Blue Room" to try to get some "Peace" of mind. Did it work? "Yes and No." I still hear "Whispering" in my head. "Call Me Irresponsible," but I think a vacation would be "So Nice." I just "Don't Get Around Much Anymore." Maybe I could go to "The Green Mountains" or we could spend "April in Paris." I'd even be "Dancing on the Ceiling" to spend one "Afternoon in Paris!" "I Love Paris"... "I Mean You"... "I Love You." I am making plans already. "C'est is Bon (It's So Good)!"

"I Can't Give You Anything But Love,"

-Your "Sweet Henry"

"P.S. I Love You"

Letter Two (after receiving a reply from Ruby)

"Dearly Beloved,"

"Well, Alright, Okay, You Win." I received your letter "Very Early" "Yesterday," and "There'll Be Some Changes Made" to our vacation plans. We'll spend "Autumn in New York" and "Look to the Sky" to see the "Autumn Leaves" as they "Fall." We'll go to Paris "Some Other Spring." "Gee Baby, Ain't I Good to You?" 

As for Miss Jones, "Well, You Needn't" worry, so "Tame Thy Pen." You are "My One and Only Love," so "Speak No Evil" of her. "You Are the Sunshine of My Life."

I'll pick you up "Come Sunday" "'Round Midnight" from "Grand Central" Station (platform "Four"). But, before that, you have "Just One More Chance" to change your mind. "It's Easy to Remember" last year, "Skating in Central Park" "Sometime Ago," but "Woodyn' you" like some variety? We could do some "Stuff" away from New York. "Call Me" and let me know. 

"I Love You For Sentimental Reasons,"

-Your "Sweet Henry"

Well, that was something! And there were so many titles I didn't include! All of the titles in italics and quotes are, in fact, jazz titles in The Real Book and are classics from some of the greats. Give them a listen!